Veneese Mollison
Comedy Sketch (2:30)
Paula Deen Today Show Interview Parody
Matt: Good Morning everyone and welcome to
the Today show. I’m Matt Lauer and this morning I’m talking with Paula Deen.
Paula, thank you for coming.
Paula: Thank you for having me Matt.
Matt: You were originally supposed be here
Friday and you told me you were distraught and exhausted. How are you feeling
now?
Paula: I’m still exhausted Matt. It’s hard
work trying to kiss corporate ass to save your own.
Matt: I’m glad you said that because the
difference between Friday and now is really on the business side of things.
Food Network said goodbye, Smithfield Foods let you go, and QVC has said
they’re weighing their options.
Paula: Before I respond to that, let me say
that all of God’s creatures were created equal. Black men and white men, Jews
and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, heterosexuals and homosexuals, rich people
and poor people...
(Matt interrupts.)
Matt: But Paula let’s be honest, is the
real reason you’re here to stop the financial bleeding?
Paula: Heck yeah! I’m bleeding money so
fast, soon I’ll be on public assistance with them.
Matt: From the corporate side, under the
circumstances would you have fired you?
Paula: Heck no, my people love me.
Matt: Right now it seems to me that an
informal jury of your peers, your fans, your critics and your business
associates are weighing the question, is Paula Deen a racist. So I’ll ask it to
you bluntly, are you a racist?
Paula: Absolutely not! I have an African
American friend. I even did an interview with Oprah.
Matt: Not by birth, by choice, or osmosis…
(Paula interrupts.)
Paula: Not even by coincidence. I was raised
in a home where my father encouraged prejudice and dropping out of school, and
if I ever treat them as anything more than the help, he says, “yo butt will be
mine”.
(Matt interrupts.)
Matt: Ok, but you raised your right hand
and swore under oath that you have used the n-word. So how can someone use the
n-word whether in anger, or in a joke, or in private and not be considered a
racist?
Paula: Umm…, yes…… I was just talking about that n-word, not all the n-words!
Matt: Didn’t you admit to using the word on
other occasions?
Paula: No! In all of my sixty-six years on
earth, living on a plantation, in Southern Texas, I’ve only used the word once.
Matt: In your deposition you said “I can’t
determine myself what offends another person.” Do you have any doubt in your
mind that African Americans are offended by the n-word?
Paula: I don’t know Matt, I’ve asked myself
that time and time again, but I just don’t know what else to call them.
Matt: Paula, given what you know now, when
you raised your right hand under oath, do you wish you had just fudged the
truth?
Paula: Not at all. I said the last time I
used the word was thirty years ago.
Matt: Many have shown up at your restaurant
to show their support. Do you think your fan base can support you through this?
Paula: You can never underestimate the power
of the majority. I is what I is, and you ain’t what I ain’t so nah!
Matt: I think we’ve heard enough. Thanks
for joining me Paula.
I think that this was a job well done. It was amusing and very relevant to news going on now.
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