Comedy Sketch (2:30)
Paula Deen Today Show Interview Parody
Matt: Good Morning everyone and welcome to the Today show. I’m Matt Lauer and this morning I’m talking with Paula Deen. Paula, thank you for coming.
Paula: Thank you for having me Matt.
Matt: You were originally supposed be here Friday and you told me you were distraught and exhausted. How are you feeling now?
Paula: I’m still exhausted Matt. It’s hard work trying to kiss corporate ass to save your own.
Matt: I’m glad you said that because the difference between Friday and now is really on the business side of things. Food Network said goodbye, Smithfield Foods let you go, and QVC has said they’re weighing their options.
Paula: Before I respond to that, let me say that all of God’s creatures were created equal. Black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, heterosexuals and homosexuals, rich people and poor people...
Matt: But Paula let’s be honest, is the real reason you’re here to stop the financial bleeding?
Paula: Heck yeah! I’m bleeding money so fast, soon I’ll be on public assistance with them.
Matt: From the corporate side, under the circumstances would you have fired you?
Paula: Heck no, my people love me.
Matt: Right now it seems to me that an informal jury of your peers, your fans, your critics and your business associates are weighing the question, is Paula Deen a racist. So I’ll ask it to you bluntly, are you a racist?
Paula: Absolutely not! I have an African American friend. I even did an interview with Oprah.
Matt: Not by birth, by choice, or osmosis…
Paula: Not even by coincidence. I was raised in a home where my father encouraged prejudice and dropping out of school, and if I ever treat them as anything more than the help, he says, “yo butt will be mine”.
Matt: Ok, but you raised your right hand and swore under oath that you have used the n-word. So how can someone use the n-word whether in anger, or in a joke, or in private and not be considered a racist?
Paula: Umm…, yes…… I was just talking about that n-word, not all the n-words!
Matt: Didn’t you admit to using the word on other occasions?
Paula: No! In all of my sixty-six years on earth, living on a plantation, in Southern Texas, I’ve only used the word once.
Matt: In your deposition you said “I can’t determine myself what offends another person.” Do you have any doubt in your mind that African Americans are offended by the n-word?
Paula: I don’t know Matt, I’ve asked myself that time and time again, but I just don’t know what else to call them.
Matt: Paula, given what you know now, when you raised your right hand under oath, do you wish you had just fudged the truth?
Paula: Not at all. I said the last time I used the word was thirty years ago.
Matt: Many have shown up at your restaurant to show their support. Do you think your fan base can support you through this?
Paula: You can never underestimate the power of the majority. I is what I is, and you ain’t what I ain’t so nah!
Matt: I think we’ve heard enough. Thanks for joining me Paula.