Wednesday, June 12, 2013

The Enlightener Re-draft

Jacki Bubis
“The Enlightener”-Commercial 
(:60)

WISE BUDDHA MAN 1: (Soothing voice) You shall find peace when you’re in a peaceful state within yourself.

WOMAN 1: But how do I find peace within?  Between work, the kids, keeping up with the house—the only time I have a moment to myself to relax is in the shower.

WISE BUDDHA MAN 1: (Soothing voice) Take advantage of the time you do have. Here, this will help you with the answers you seek.

SFX: Glowing noise

WOMAN 1: The Enlightener body soap. (sighs) I love the serene scent.

WISE BUDDHA MAN 1: Yes, and it will calm your senses and open your mind. Its new anti-deodorant feature soaks into your skin and brings it to a long-lasting, peaceful glow. Now go, be one with yourself…and one with the soap.

WOMAN 1: Okay…but would you be one with yourself outside of my shower so I can step in?

ANNOUNCER: Enlighten your senses; enlighten your skin—The Enlightener, luxuriant and powerful body soap.

1 comment:

  1. I loved all of the the wisdom, it sounds really like a deep and mystical person!

    I had a problem with saying this in my head:
    WOMAN 1: Okay…but would you be one with yourself outside of my shower so I can step in?

    I think because the phrasing is within a phrase, so its harder for me, not sure for others. thanks! :)

    ReplyDelete