Nicky Quiles
Comedy Sketch
2:30
SFX:
Electronic Music playing throughout the entire sketch.
REPORTER:
I am Jackuel Samson reporting live from Washington D.C. and DOMA has just been
deemed unconstitutional by the Supreme Court. And, much like this reporter predicted, the gays are running
wild.
GAY
MAN 1: Wooo! Yay Gay!
REPORTER:
I am getting reports of mass suicides by religious leaders all around the
country. There have also been reports of Homosexual orgies on the steps of
various city hall buildings in cities such as Chicago, Las Vegas, Portland,
Houston, and Iowa City. The biggest of which is taking place right in front of
my eyes on the steps of the Supreme Court Building. I have been told that the
head of The Guinness Book of World Records is on his way here personally to
mark the record for world’s largest homosexual orgy. It seems as if it is about
3,000 short of the world record for biggest human orgy.
SFX:
Cannons firing.
SFX:
Firecrackers exploding.
REPORTER:
The festivities are really kicking off it seems. Fireworks have started and
cannons of glitter are being fired at an alarming rate.
SFX:
Cannons firing.
REPORTER:
It is essentially raining glitter here. It looks like a Lady Gaga concert with
the glitter and flashing lights everywhere. It truly is a sight to see. Celebrities
Liza Minnelli and Elton John have just arrived to play the after party, and
currently EDM group Ratatat are playing on the steps.
GAY
MAN 1: I’m getting married!
REPORTER:
The orgy is still going strong; I don’t see any end in sight.
SFX:
Reporter throwing up.
REPORTER:
I am so sorry about that folks. I just witnessed a woman fart blood, and I
couldn’t keep it in. Mam you should get that checked. It seems as if a few
religious folk have taken to the streets. I’m assuming to get a view of what is
either disgusting or beautiful, I’m not really sure. Excuse me sir may I have a
word?
RELIGIOUS
MAN: Yes, how can I help you?
REPORTER:
What is it that you, and the rest of the members in your group, are doing here?
RELIGIOUS
MAN: We are here to protest this Godless act. What these people are doing is
wrong and I don’t believe they should be able to get away with it.
REPORTER:
Well now that DOMA has been struck down they can legally do whatever they want.
RELIGIOUS
MAN: And that is why we are here. I can’t believe they can do whatever they
want and all us religious folks are so oppressed. What they are doing is sick.
You should all be ashamed of yourselves!
GAY
MAN 1: Boo!
RELIGIOUS
MAN: Boo you sir! This is an abomination. The bible says this is bad and you
should feel bad. Follow us and we shall save you.
REPORTER:
Be careful there sir, now that DOMA has been struck down it is illegal to
promote religion towards homosexuals.
RELIGIOUS
MAN: I don’t care!
GAY
MAN 1: Gay away the Pray!
SFX:
Loud echo of wind inhalation.
REPORTER:
What is happening?
SFX: Loud supersonic sound waves.
REPORTER:
What is going on?!
SFX:
Screams.
REPORTER:
Where’d the religious people go?
GAY
MAN 1: They’ve been recruited.
REPORTER:
Oh my. It seems as if the religious group have dropped their Bibles and are
joining the orgy. This is truly a sight to see. That’s it for me here on the
steps of The Supreme Court Building; I’m Jackuel Samson, back to you Tiffany.
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