Thursday, June 27, 2013

Comedy Sketch: DOMA

Nicky Quiles
Comedy Sketch

SFX: Electronic Music playing throughout the entire sketch.
REPORTER: I am Jackuel Samson reporting live from Washington D.C. and DOMA has just been deemed unconstitutional by the Supreme Court.  And, much like this reporter predicted, the gays are running wild.
GAY MAN 1: Wooo! Yay Gay!
REPORTER: I am getting reports of mass suicides by religious leaders all around the country. There have also been reports of Homosexual orgies on the steps of various city hall buildings in cities such as Chicago, Las Vegas, Portland, Houston, and Iowa City. The biggest of which is taking place right in front of my eyes on the steps of the Supreme Court Building. I have been told that the head of The Guinness Book of World Records is on his way here personally to mark the record for world’s largest homosexual orgy. It seems as if it is about 3,000 short of the world record for biggest human orgy.
SFX: Cannons firing.
SFX: Firecrackers exploding.
REPORTER: The festivities are really kicking off it seems. Fireworks have started and cannons of glitter are being fired at an alarming rate.
SFX: Cannons firing.
REPORTER: It is essentially raining glitter here. It looks like a Lady Gaga concert with the glitter and flashing lights everywhere. It truly is a sight to see. Celebrities Liza Minnelli and Elton John have just arrived to play the after party, and currently EDM group Ratatat are playing on the steps.
GAY MAN 1: I’m getting married!
REPORTER: The orgy is still going strong; I don’t see any end in sight.
SFX: Reporter throwing up.
REPORTER: I am so sorry about that folks. I just witnessed a woman fart blood, and I couldn’t keep it in. Mam you should get that checked. It seems as if a few religious folk have taken to the streets. I’m assuming to get a view of what is either disgusting or beautiful, I’m not really sure. Excuse me sir may I have a word?
RELIGIOUS MAN: Yes, how can I help you?
REPORTER: What is it that you, and the rest of the members in your group, are doing here?
RELIGIOUS MAN: We are here to protest this Godless act. What these people are doing is wrong and I don’t believe they should be able to get away with it.
REPORTER: Well now that DOMA has been struck down they can legally do whatever they want.
RELIGIOUS MAN: And that is why we are here. I can’t believe they can do whatever they want and all us religious folks are so oppressed. What they are doing is sick. You should all be ashamed of yourselves!
GAY MAN 1: Boo!
RELIGIOUS MAN: Boo you sir! This is an abomination. The bible says this is bad and you should feel bad. Follow us and we shall save you.
REPORTER: Be careful there sir, now that DOMA has been struck down it is illegal to promote religion towards homosexuals.
RELIGIOUS MAN: I don’t care!
GAY MAN 1: Gay away the Pray!
SFX: Loud echo of wind inhalation.
REPORTER: What is happening?
SFX:  Loud supersonic sound waves.
REPORTER: What is going on?!
SFX: Screams.
REPORTER: Where’d the religious people go?
GAY MAN 1: They’ve been recruited.

REPORTER: Oh my. It seems as if the religious group have dropped their Bibles and are joining the orgy. This is truly a sight to see. That’s it for me here on the steps of The Supreme Court Building; I’m Jackuel Samson, back to you Tiffany.

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